Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
