You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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