You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
