I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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