guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
