he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
