DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
