Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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