You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
