my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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