ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize