..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
