you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize