yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
