wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
