she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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