i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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