Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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