Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
