It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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