i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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