The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
