I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
