I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
