sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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