I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
