Please, let me fuck your mom
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
