you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
