this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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