HIV tests are more positive than that guy
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
