im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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