Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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