I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
