it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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