so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
