Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
