I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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