Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
