Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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