everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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