I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
