i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
