i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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