I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
