just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize