So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
