well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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