I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
