Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
