It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
