I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
