I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
