Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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