I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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