come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
