So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
