So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
