he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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