I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
