I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize