Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
