they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
