the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
