yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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