if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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