my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
